So, Mother's Day is coming up this week. It has been a morning of reflection for me as I think about that and what it stands for. It is a day set aside to honor our mothers. Some mothers are definitely worth honoring...and some aren't. My mom is a mom worth honoring mainly for her love for my brother and me. She and my dad raised us in a Christian home and for that I am the most thankful.
My reflections today have been mainly on what my role as a mother to Jessica, Ava and Betsy will mean to them someday. What will they look back on and remember about me? We are given these precious children to raise the best we can and it's so hard and such a big responsibility. Gosh, I know I've messed up so many times already and will mess up so much more but the main thing I want them to take away from my parenting is that I taught them about God's love for them. That he loved them so much that he sent his son to die for their sins. I hope they grasp that someday. It's hard for me to grasp, actually, but I learn more about God's love for me every day.
I have written them a letter to share my feelings about being their mom...
Dear Jessica, Ava and Betsy,
I love the three of you more than I could ever express in words so I'm praying that over your lifetime, my actions will show you.
I hope you remember me for always hugging you, telling you how beautiful you are and how proud I am of you. I hope you remember me reminding you that beauty of the spirit is more important than beauty of appearance. I hope you see me strive to model that and not just say it. I hope you will all feel comfortable talking to me when you are going through tough times and that I was remembered for being a good listener, not just an advice giver. I hope you will come to me when you need prayer. I hope you will trust me and feel safe with me.
I can promise you there will be hard times. You will cry over heartbreak, laugh so hard with friends you almost pee your pants, feel butterflies over a boy. There will be times you feel insecure. Times you feel overwhelmed. Times you feel sad. Times you feel left out. Times you will feel confused.
I am dreading the day I see you heartbroken over a boy. Or crying quiet tears in your room over someone talking about you. I'm praying that I will be graceful in how I love you in those moments.
You will most likely play sports, an instrument, sing in the choir or cheer on your school teams. You will have prom to attend. Homecoming. Football games. Parties.
I can promise you that I will love you through all of these things. I can also promise you that I will mess up. But at the heart of it all...I will love you.
I am praying that along with all of these normal things you will experience, that through it all, you are learning to grasp God's love for you and what the gospel means. This is my strongest prayer for you. It is the most important lesson in life.
I pray that one day I am not just your mother but also your friend.
My heart is busting at the seams with love for you three girls.