I'm not sure if any of you have felt this way before but as I have become more intimate in my relationship with God, it becomes more obvious when I feel distant from Him or can't feel His presence.
For the last two weeks, I have felt very distant from God. I felt distracted when I prayed. I didn't really have anything I wanted to talk about or pray about. I wasn't getting anything out of the messages at Church, or really even the music. I recognized that this was going on and began to pray that God would draw near to me, as I was having a hard time drawing near to Him. Still...nothing. I finally gave up and almost stopped caring, confused as to why this was happening. Did I do something wrong? Is God mad at me? Is there something I need to confess? Is He trying to tell me something?
I talked with Nate about it a few days ago and he prayed with me and recommended that I read the Psalms. Where David (a man after God's own heart) is crying out to God, asking Him why He isn't answering David when he calls out to Him. If David, a man after God's own heart, feels far from God at times, will we not feel the same at some point?
I ignored Nate's recommendation. Until this morning. I opened Psalms up to chapter 13. This is what it says:
Psalms 13: How Long O Lord?
How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?
Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep
the sleep of death, lest my enemies say, "I have prevailed over him,"
lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice
in your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.
I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation! I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me! Wow...this moved me. My mind is flooded with the many many many ways the Lord has dealt bountifully with me. With my marriage. With my children. With my relationships. With my ACL family. He has dealt bountifully with me. His love for me is steadfast!
I am at my desk at work crying while writing this. My co-workers are going to call the "mad-house" to come pick me up. (Lord, please don't let that happen.)
Let this be a reminder that when God's voice falls silent in our lives, He has gone nowhere. He is still right there. Pick up your Bible, read it, meditate on the ways he has dealt bountifully with you and thank Him.