Betsy was dedicated at Church yesterday and once again, her middle name rang true as to what an evidence of God's grace she truly is to me. Please don't take this to mean that she is any more important to me than either of my other beautiful children. I love them ALL completely the same. It's just that I was reminded again of why we named her Betsy Grace. It's because the word "grace" has such meaning in our lives, in our marriage.
As Nate asked me if we had ever dedicated Ava, a ton of shame and guilt flooded in with the memories of being in the Church bathroom throwing up from a hangover 10 minutes before we walked her down to dedicate her. I acquired that hangover from a very late night of partying, taking shots with friends. I was stupid, selfish, irresponsible and my priorities were completely out of whack. I remember waking up the next morning physically sick and also emotionally sick about where I had been hanging out that night and all of the money that I had squandered in that dark place.
As shame and guilt starts to seep in through the cracks of my wall of forgiveness and grace through Christ, God sweetly and gently reminds me that I am not that person anymore and that I don't have to feel shame and guilt. I've very quietly cried a few tears in the last several days...but not tears of sadness really. More, I think, tears of thankfulness. Thankful that God forgives and loves, no matter what my life has looked like or still looks like at times. Thankful that I'm able to raise my children from a place of forgiveness and grace and in a manner that glorifies God. Thankful that grace is extended to someone like me, when I so truly don't deserve it.
"And after you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10